Little StrawberryBlond Riding Hood
by angelsinstead
Summary: This fairytale story is loosely based off several characters including Tina, Cord, Vicki, Irene, David Vickers- the dog, and Mitch Lawrence. For fun only!
1. Big Bad Wolf

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fairytale story is loosely based off several characters from the hit soap One Life to Live.

Also, I'd like to note that I do not own ABC's One Life to Live or the characters and I will NOT be receiving any payment whatsoever for writing this story. It is intended for entertainment purposes only.

~*Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood: Chapter One*~

Once upon a time, long, long ago, a young woman lived with her sister at the edge of the forest. Her sister's name was Victoria Lord. The young woman's name was Tina, but ever since she had been a very little girl she had gone by the name of Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood. She had earned her nickname because of the beautiful strawberry-blond wig she often wore over her real hair which was just a mousy brown. Tina was so kind and sweet, but unfortunately just a wee bit ditzy. She was always dressed in the pretty red cloak and hood her sister had made for her with her cute little dog at her side by the name of David Vickers.

One day, Tina's sister called for her and said, "Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood, your evil bitch of a mother is very ill. Please take her these poisonous cookies, so hopefully the old bat will choke and die."

"Very well, Sister," responded Tina, taking the basket containing the cookies from her older sister.

"Now be careful, Tina," Vicki said to her sister as she kissed her cheek. "Don't stray from the path. You know you have a tendency to get lost. Also, do not stop on the way either as you have a habit of staring off into space and doing nothing for hours. And whatever happens, NEVER, EVER talk to strangers."

"Ohhh I promise, Vicki, I'll be very careful... and I won't eat even one of the poisonous cookies although they look sooo tasty. I'll save every single one of them for my evil bitch of a mother!" Tina promised.

"Alright. Hurry along then, Tina," Vicki encouraged.

Tina skipped out the door, the basket on her arm, and her little dog followed along behind her.

Tina's witch of a mother lived all by herself in a cottage on the other side of the forest. Tina had walked through the forest many times, so she knew her way. And if she got lost, her tiny little dog, David Vickers always knew where to go. Tina skipped along the forest path, singing to herself and enjoying the sunshine. "Ohhh David Vickers, isn't it a beautiful day?" she exclaimed happily to her cute little doggy.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a Big Bad Wolf popped out from behind a tree. "Well, hello there, sweet, sexy little thing," growled the Big Bad Wolf. "Now, just where are you going on this mighty-fine Spring day?"

Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood was feeling so happy and cheerful that she had forgotten what her older sister had said to her about not talking to strangers on her walk through the forest. She smiled sweetly at the Big Bad wolf and said, "Hello to you as well, Wolfy. I am going to see my evil bitch of a mother, Irene, who lives on the other side of this forest. She is feeling like crap today, so I am taking her a batch of poisonous cookies baked by my older sister, Victoria Lord. Maybe that will make the old hag keel over and die."

"Ohhh dear," spoke the Wolf, rubbing his hairy chin. "How very sad that your nasty, ole mother isn't feeling so well! I shall go and visit her as well. I'm sure she'll be quite pleased to have a visit by such a hairy beast such as myself!"

"Ohhh thank you kindly, Wolfy," spoke Tina. "That would be so very thoughtful of you."

"We must hurry then," said the Big Bad Wolf. "You go this way, and I'll go the other way, and let's see who reaches your bitch of a mother's house first!"

With those words, the Wolf had disappeared into the forest. He ran as fast as he could, taking all the shortcuts, until he reached Irene's little cottage before Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood.

He stood at the door of the cottage, huffing and puffing. He was quite pleased that he had beat Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood to her mother's house. The Wolf then rapped at the door, waiting for Tina's mother to answer it.

"Who the hell is knocking at my door?" called out Tina's nasty mother.

"Why it is I, Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood," the Wolf lied, making his voice sound like a young woman's. "Aren't you going to let me in, Mother?"

"What do you want, you annoying little cunt of a daughter?" Irene exclaimed hatefully.

"Please let me in, Mother. I have brought you some cookies," spoke the Wolf.

"Alright then," responded Irene with a heavy sigh. "But I am too evil and lazy to open the door, so lift the latch and come on in."

The Big Bad Wolf did as Irene requested and entered the cottage. And there was Tina's mother, feeling like hell as she lay on the bed upon a pile of blankets. The Wolf jumped on the bed and began licking Irene repeatedly, slobbering all over the old hag.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Irene screamed at the hairy wolf.

"I like to play with my food before I eat it," responded the Wolf. Despite Irene's screams, the Big Bad Wolf began to eat Irene.

"Agent Kent!" the old hag cried out, but no one came to save her.

In a single swallow, the hungry wolf devoured the rest of Irene. "Quite tasty!" he said as he put on Irene's clothes along with a blond wig and crawled into bed. There, under the covers, the Big Bad Wolf pretended to be Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood's mother.

Meanwhile, Tina was skipping as fast as she possibly could through the forest with little David Vickers trotting along right next to her. "Hurry up, David Vickers!" Tina called out to her dog. "We must get to Mother's cottage right away and give her these tasty, poisonous cookies!"

As she was walking, she spotted some ugly-looking weeds along the edge of the path. "Would you look at that, David Vickers," Tina spoke to her pooch as she stopped to collect a handful of the repulsive weeds. "I am sure Mother would just hate these! I think I shall pick her a bunch!" Tina had forgotten that her older sister Vicki had said not to stop along the way or to leave the path. She ran into the forest, collecting a great, big armful of rotten-smelling weeds to give to her wicked mother.


	2. The Sexy Woodcutter

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fairytale story is loosely based off several characters from the hit soap One Life to Live.

Also, I'd like to note that I do not own ABC's One Life to Live or the characters and I will NOT be receiving any payment whatsoever for writing this story. It is intended for entertainment purposes only.

~*Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood: Chapter Two*~

By the time Tina had finished picking the weeds in the forest and had managed to find her way back to the path again, it was very late. "Ohhh myyy gosh!" she gasped. "I completely forgot about that hairy wolf who was racing me to Mother's cottage! I'm sure he has already had sex with Mother and has gone! I do hope he pleasured her well, so maybe she won't be such a wicked, horrid bitch!"

With those words, Tina began walking down the path faster and faster, trying to hurry onward to her Mother's cottage at the other side of the forrest. It wasn't long at all until she had arrived at Irene's door.

"Mother!" Tina called out as she rapped loudly. "Open the door! It's Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood!"

The Wolf was lying in the bed, wearing a blond wig and hiding beneath the covers. He answered just as Irene had earlier.

"I am too evil and lazy to open the door, so lift the latch and come on in."

Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood did exactly as the Wolf had said, then walked into the cottage. She approached the bed to have a look at her mother.

"Why Mother," Tina spoke with surprise. "You look just like hell. You must really be at death's door!"

The Wolf pretended to cough up some phlegm in an attempt to feign great illness. As the Wolf was hacking and coughing, Tina looked appalled.

"Awww, you poor evil bitch!" Tina crooned as she was tucking the blankets around the Big Bad Wolf and fluffing up the pillows. "I'm not kidding though, Mother... you do look an ugly hag! You're as hairy as hell, and your ears have gotten huge and pointed!"

"The better to hear you with, my dear, sweet thing!" spoke the Wolf.

"And what big eyes you have, Mother!" gasped Tina.

"The better to see you with, my dear, sweet, little daughter."

"And what a big, honking nose you have, Mother!"

"The better to sniff you with, my dearest," responded the Wolf.

"Ohhh... and my gosh! What big teeth you have, Mother!" cried out Little Strawberry-Blond Riding Hood.

"The better to EAT you with!" growled the Wolf. And with that, he jumped up from the bed, threw off the covers, and tried to eat Tina.

"No, No!" Tina sobbed, trying to run away from him, but she tripped over little David Vickers. She dropped her basket to the floor and the poisonous cookies spilled everywhere.

"Get your ass over here so I can EAT you!" yelled the wolf as he was chasing Tina all around the cottage.

David Vickers, trying to protect her mistress, was biting sharply at the Wolf's heels. "Stay away from me, you fucked-up wolf!" Tina screamed as she continued to escape the Wolf's efforts to capture her. "You're even more evil than my mother!"

Just then a kindly woodcutter passed by, carrying a heavy axe. His name was Cord. He could hear Tina screaming from inside the cottage followed by the Wolf's heavy breathing. The woodcutter knew this wolf, and he did not trust him at all. He knew that the Wolf had a passion for eating young girls.

Cord entered the cottage very quietly, so he would not alert the hungry wolf. When he entered, he saw the Wolf chasing a beauty with strawberry-blond hair around a table as a cute little dog was nipping at his heels. Judging by the size of the Wolf's huge stomach, Cord was certain that he had already eaten a huge meal.

*I wonder what beautiful, young woman he has eaten this time!* thought Cord.

The woodcutter picked up a shiny pair of scissors from the table and deftly cut a large slash across the Big Bad Wolf's stomach. Out popped Tina's wicked bitch of a mother who was covered in nasty stomach acids. "Ohhh thank you for saving my evil mother and me!" Tina thanked the hot-looking woodcutter. "You are such a handsome stud!"

Cord grinned at Tina, quite smitten with the sweet young woman who was wearing the red cloak. "You can thank me later, darlin'," Cord drawled with a sexy smirk.

"It was so dark and smelly inside the wolf's stomach!" Irene cried out, wiping her face with a towel. "I feel like I am gonna upchuck!"

"Shut up, Mother!" Tina growled. "I'm trying to get it on with the woodcutter here..."

To everyone's horror, the Wolf mumbled, beginning to wake up. "Help me!" he cried out, looking down at the gory slash the woodcutter had made upon his stomach.

"Not unless you promise never to eat young girls... OR mean, ole bitches ever again!" Cord insisted.

"I'll be good; I promise. I'm not really a wolf at all," he sobbed.

At Cord's urging, Tina went to get some strong thread and a needle, and together, she and Cord sewed up the ugly-looking wound. "We saved your life," said Tina. "You owe us an explanation. If you are not a wolf... then what exactly are you?"

Sitting up, he pulled off the hairy mask he was wearing to reveal his true identity. "Mitch Lawrence!" Tina gasped. "What the hell?"

"Everyone was so afraid of me, I had no other choice but to put on this wolf costume," Mitch explained. "Otherwise everyone ran away from me in fear, knowing I am the evil and horrible Mitch Lawrence. All I wanted was some pretty, young thing to eat..."

Smirking lustfully at Mitch, Irene gave him the evil-eye. "I didn't mind it so much when you were eating me..." she admitted.

"Really?" spoke Mitch, raising one eyebrow and gazing at Irene. "I'll never eat a sweet, young thing again. I'd much rather have an evil, ole bitch such as you..."

A mischievous look upon her face, Tina gathered up the cookies and handed them to her hateful mother. "Here, Mother, these are for you and your wolfish boyfriend," she said, smiling sweetly at Irene and Mitch. "I hope you both enjoy them."

Tina took Cord's hand and called for her little dog. "Come on, David Vickers. We are going on a date with the woodcutter." Batting her eyelashes at Cord, Tina led him out the door.

"I've always wanted to date a woodcutter with really big muscles," Tina was saying as they were walking through the woods.

"And I've always wanted a sweet, little thing with a strawberry blond wig," Cord responded.


End file.
